Ganpat Rai the evergreen joke

 (THIS IS THE MOST AWFUL I HAVE EVER HEARD )
Read this one with an 'Angrezi' (Britisher or American) accent. 

A Poor bihari villager named GANPATRAI who really needs a job, is being interviewed 
by a britisher for a job 

Britisher : Han to gand fat raha hai (Ganpatrai)!! 
Bihari: nahi sir, jyada nahi!! 
Britisher: kya jyada nahi bolta hai, tumhara application me likha hua hai Ganpatrai 
Bihari : Thik hai mai bap, likha hai to fat raha hoga 
Britisher: tum daily marata (means to say tum Delhi me rehta) hai?? 
BiharI : nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!! 
Britisher : kya kabhi kabhi, Ganpathrai, idar aaoo, bolta hai, tumhara application me likha hua 
            hai ki tum daily marata 
Bihari   : thik hai mai bap, likha hai to marata hounga. (Thinks-saali ek baar maraee thi, voh bhi 
              file me likh diya) 


The bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Britisher's family asks him to do. 

Britisher : Gandfatrai!! 
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik. 
Britisher : Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai 
Ganpatrai : hukum Sarkaar 
Britisher : Tum pehla hamaari beti ko Chodega (Leave HER) phir hamaari biwi ko Chodega aur uske 
              baad hum ko chodega 
Ganpatrai: Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumri biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekinmain 
aap ko nahi chodh sakta 
Britisher: Ganpathrai, Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega 
Ganpatrai: Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare 
Britisher: Ganpathrai, agar Tum hum ko nahi chodh sakta to hum tumko nokri 
se nikaal denga 
Ganpatrai: Theek hai sarkaar hum tum ko bhi Chodega.. 


Next day...The wife of the Britisher is Relaxing on the Lawn 

Wife : Ganpatrai, idhar aaoo? 
Ganpatrai: Ji Memsahib 
Wife : Ganpatrai, jaldi se jaao aur hamare liye chai banaa ke le aaoo. Aaj hum chai Laund (Lawn) 
       pe piyega 
Ganpatrai : Lund pe memsahib? 
Wife : Haa! Laund pe 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai Memsahib hum abhi jaavat hai aur lund pe chai le aate hai 

After sometime Ganpatrai comes balancing the tea tray on his L When he reaches the wife on the 
lawn the tray is about to fall. Just then the wife catches the tray 

Wife(excited): Ganpatrai, Tum ne hammarrri Phuddi (Furti) dekha? 
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Memsahib hum ne tumahhar Phuddi nahi dekha 
Wife: Saala Jhootaa Ganpatrai tumne hammara phuddi dekha 
Ganpatrai : Nahi dekha madam sahib? 
Wife: Bolo ke tumne dekha nahi to hum saaab ko bolke tumko naukri se nikaal dengaa. 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai memsahib hum ne tumhaara phuddi dekha 

After a few days There is no one except The britishers wife at home. She is alone in her bedroom. 
While wearing her bra she is unable to put the knot behind. So.. 

Wife: Ganpatrai, idhar aaoo? 
Ganpatrai : Ji Memsahib 
Wife: Ganpatrai, hammara iska peeche se gaand (Ganth(knot)) maaro 
Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Madam Sahib. Wife : Ganpatrai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late 
            hota hai 
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Memsahib. akar maine aap ki gaand maaro to hum ko sarkar kachha kha jayenge 
Wife: Ganpatrai, agar tumne jaldi se hammari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kachha kha jaayengi 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin main tumki gaand maarta hun 


Ganpatrai who has been frustrated for this thing for a long time mounts the Memsahib, and starts 
pounding her arse. 

The Britisher's Wife is in a Panic and shouts 

" GANDPHATRAI, GANDPHATRAI, GANDPHATRAI " 
Ganpatrai : Arre Chilaana nahin Memsahib, Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega