Sex Education

Teacher Sex Education Ke Period Mein Bachho Ko Samjha Rahi Thia.
Teacher: Sex Ke Time Condom Use Karne Se Safety Bhi Rahti Hai Aur Enjoyment Mein Fark Nahi Padta.
Ek Ladki Jisne Pehle Sex Kiya Hua Tha, Ye Sun Kar Boli.
Mam, Polythene Mein Rasgulla Daal Ke Chooso, Pata Chal Jayega Ki Farak Padta Hai Ya Nahi?
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Shadi Hui, Khub Mithaai Bati;
Pehla Bachcha Hua, Khub Mithaai Bati;
Dusra Bachcha Hua, Phir Mithai Bati;
5 Saal Baad, Bachchon Ka School Admission Karwane Gaya, Donation 2 Lac+ Fees 1,50,000;
Aadmi Ghar Aakar Khub Roya Toh Biwi Boli: Janu Meri Phati Toh Khub Mithaai Baati, Khud Ki Phati Toh Rona Aa Gaya???
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Skoda Laura is an excellent car... But people who have bought it are facing some very embarrasing moments.

For example:
Client to Bank Manager: Sirji Ek Laura Finance Karana Tha. Laure Pe Interest Kya Chal Raha Hai?

After taking delivery:
Wife Ne Laure ki Pooja Ki Aur Phir Pura Parivar Laure Pe Baith Ke Icecream Khaane Gaya.

Malkin to driver Driver Laura Nikalo.
Driver to Maalik: Sahab, Laura Dho Doon.

And last but not not the least.....
Neighbours:
Bete Ki Baraat Toh Sharma Ji ke laure Pe Nikalunga. Kyun Sharma Ji! Aapko Koi Takleef Toh nahi Hogi ???

Bhooton ki Gaand Marne bhi pahuch gaya

Nasir Khan has a very small penis. He has tried every cure ... but it's 
still like a moongphali (peanut). One day he visits a Hakim with a miracle 
cure. The Hakim gives him a bottle of his magic pills- "take only one a day 
for a month" says the medicine man. 

Nasir is too impatient and swallows all 30 tables at once. He watches his 
member grow, and grow, and grow from the overdose. His body cannot cope with 
the demand and he Nasir dies 2 hrs after consuming the bottle. He is buried 
the next morning. His dick has grown 3 feet by now, it is 'cut off' and 
buried beside him. 

The Hakim's medicine is just too potent ... the dead man's penis keeps 
growing, even in his grave. The graveyard's caretaker sees it grow out of 
the ground the next morning, he cuts it off and buries it beside the body. 
It's time for another crop that very evening. The caretaker couldn't be 
bothered with this constant upkeep. He exhumes the body and buries it face 
down. Now it can grow all it wants he thinks. 

A week later around midnight- a man is walking by the graveyard when he sees 
a bunch of ghosts huddled together outside the graveyard. An emergency 
meeting of sorts it appears. Some are sitting on the pulliya with looks of 
dispair. 

"kya baat hai bhai sahib ... bade pareshaan ho" 
(you look worried, what's the matter) 
"kya batayen bhai sahib ... sare umar gand maraaye, socha tha marne ke baad 
chain se so sake ge ... lekin yahaan bhi hamari gand mari ja rahi hai!" 

" teri behan chud gayi"

A rape victim walks into a Police station and is greeted by a very polite 
thulla (cop) 
Thulla:- "aaeye behenji kya hua" 

"mera balaatkaar ho gaya" says the woman (I was raped) 

"statement likhane padhe ge behanji" 
So the cop pulls out his book and writes- as the woman narrates her woeful 
tale 

Woman:- "mai bus se utre, voh mera peecha karne laga" 

Thulla:- "phir kya hua behanji" 

Woman:- "mai apne ghar ke taraf mudi, voh mere peeche tha" 

Thulla:- "phir kya hua behanji" 

Woman:- "raat ka time tha, nikkad pe uss ne mujhe pakad leeya. bacchane wala 
koi nahin tha 

Thulla:- "phir kya hua behanji" 

Woman:- "phir uss ne mere saare kapde utaar deye" 

Thulla:- "phir kya hua behanji" 

Woman:- "phir hona kya tha ... tere behan chud gaye" 

Ganpat Rai the evergreen joke

 (THIS IS THE MOST AWFUL I HAVE EVER HEARD )
Read this one with an 'Angrezi' (Britisher or American) accent. 

A Poor bihari villager named GANPATRAI who really needs a job, is being interviewed 
by a britisher for a job 

Britisher : Han to gand fat raha hai (Ganpatrai)!! 
Bihari: nahi sir, jyada nahi!! 
Britisher: kya jyada nahi bolta hai, tumhara application me likha hua hai Ganpatrai 
Bihari : Thik hai mai bap, likha hai to fat raha hoga 
Britisher: tum daily marata (means to say tum Delhi me rehta) hai?? 
BiharI : nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!! 
Britisher : kya kabhi kabhi, Ganpathrai, idar aaoo, bolta hai, tumhara application me likha hua 
            hai ki tum daily marata 
Bihari   : thik hai mai bap, likha hai to marata hounga. (Thinks-saali ek baar maraee thi, voh bhi 
              file me likh diya) 


The bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Britisher's family asks him to do. 

Britisher : Gandfatrai!! 
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik. 
Britisher : Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai 
Ganpatrai : hukum Sarkaar 
Britisher : Tum pehla hamaari beti ko Chodega (Leave HER) phir hamaari biwi ko Chodega aur uske 
              baad hum ko chodega 
Ganpatrai: Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumri biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekinmain 
aap ko nahi chodh sakta 
Britisher: Ganpathrai, Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega 
Ganpatrai: Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare 
Britisher: Ganpathrai, agar Tum hum ko nahi chodh sakta to hum tumko nokri 
se nikaal denga 
Ganpatrai: Theek hai sarkaar hum tum ko bhi Chodega.. 


Next day...The wife of the Britisher is Relaxing on the Lawn 

Wife : Ganpatrai, idhar aaoo? 
Ganpatrai: Ji Memsahib 
Wife : Ganpatrai, jaldi se jaao aur hamare liye chai banaa ke le aaoo. Aaj hum chai Laund (Lawn) 
       pe piyega 
Ganpatrai : Lund pe memsahib? 
Wife : Haa! Laund pe 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai Memsahib hum abhi jaavat hai aur lund pe chai le aate hai 

After sometime Ganpatrai comes balancing the tea tray on his L When he reaches the wife on the 
lawn the tray is about to fall. Just then the wife catches the tray 

Wife(excited): Ganpatrai, Tum ne hammarrri Phuddi (Furti) dekha? 
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Memsahib hum ne tumahhar Phuddi nahi dekha 
Wife: Saala Jhootaa Ganpatrai tumne hammara phuddi dekha 
Ganpatrai : Nahi dekha madam sahib? 
Wife: Bolo ke tumne dekha nahi to hum saaab ko bolke tumko naukri se nikaal dengaa. 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai memsahib hum ne tumhaara phuddi dekha 

After a few days There is no one except The britishers wife at home. She is alone in her bedroom. 
While wearing her bra she is unable to put the knot behind. So.. 

Wife: Ganpatrai, idhar aaoo? 
Ganpatrai : Ji Memsahib 
Wife: Ganpatrai, hammara iska peeche se gaand (Ganth(knot)) maaro 
Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Madam Sahib. Wife : Ganpatrai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late 
            hota hai 
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Memsahib. akar maine aap ki gaand maaro to hum ko sarkar kachha kha jayenge 
Wife: Ganpatrai, agar tumne jaldi se hammari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kachha kha jaayengi 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin main tumki gaand maarta hun 


Ganpatrai who has been frustrated for this thing for a long time mounts the Memsahib, and starts 
pounding her arse. 

The Britisher's Wife is in a Panic and shouts 

" GANDPHATRAI, GANDPHATRAI, GANDPHATRAI " 
Ganpatrai : Arre Chilaana nahin Memsahib, Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega 

"kyon ki sab peeche se chadte hain."

There is a classroom of some small children (5-7 yrs). Obviously there was one ordinary boy (Ramu) 
and one smart boy (Shyam). The trilogue between the two and the teacher goes some thing like this. 

Ramu: "Teacher, teacher, BUS pulling (male) hai ya sthreeling (female)? 
Teacher: thinking ... 
Shyam: teacher, teacher ... it is sthreeling 
Teacher & Ramu: kyon? 
Shyam: "kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain." 

Teacher is pareshaan! While Ramu gets a doubt 

Ramu: "agar BUS sthreeling hai aur sab uspe chadte hain to usko bacchhe kyon nahi hote. 

Teacher is more pareshaan!!! 

Shyam: "kyon ki sab peeche se chadte hain." 

Teacher is now hiding her face))) 

Ramu gets another doubt ...

Ramu: "maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain but driver aur conductor tho aage se chadte hain, phir 
bacchhe kyon nahi hote".

Teacher thinks it's getting too much to handle ... 

Shyam replies: "kyon ki woh dono topi pahen ke chadte hain" 

Teacher Faints!