Majedar Non Veg Chutkule

Santa - Papa Pados ki girl ko English Nahi Aati....!
Papa- Beta aisa nahi bolte, or tumhe kaise pata?
-
-
-
-
Santa - Maine usse kaha, give me a sweetest Kiss,
or
Usne Thapd maar diya, 
Anpad gawaar saali.

****************

Santa ka Interview :
Batao wo kaun si Aurat hai jisko
100% pata hota hai ki uska
Husband kaha hai?
-
-
Santa ne apna khatarnak dimag lagaya
Aur bola
-
-
-
-
"Vidhwa Aurat"..

Suhagraat ko ladka Kamre main aaya or bola kapde utaro...
Dulhan ne Apne Kapde utare... Ladka kaam pura kar ke bola,

Apne kapde pehan lo jaldi se... Dulha aane wala hai...

*********

Traffic Policewali ki sadi hui,
Suhagraat
ke dusre din
Pati se 500Rs. Zurmana Manga.
.
.
Pati -kis chij ka ?
.
Patni -100Rs over speed ke
300Rs wrong side ke Aur 100Rs bina helmet ke...

*********

Suhagrat ke time darvaze pe dastak hoti hai to Dulhan bhag ke Parde ke Peeche Chup jati hai...
 Husband : Kya hua?
Dulhan: Mujhe laga Police ki raid par gai...

*********

Suhagrat Ko Pati Ke Ander Guste Hi Biwi Ne Apna Blouse Utar Diya...

Pati Ye Dekh Kar Bada Hairan Hua Aur Biwi Se Pucha?

Pati : "Arrey Tumne Mere Aate Hi Apna Blouse Kyu Utaar Diya?"

Biwi Sharmate Hue : "Ji, Aapki Bhabi Ne Kaha Tha Ki Jaate Hi Apne Pati Ko...

Dudh Zarur Pila Dena"

*********

Ek Bahut Hi khubsoorat pataka Madam College Mein Bachho Ko Samjha Rahi thi...

Madam - Sachhe Dil Se Maangi Cheej Jaroor Milti Hai...

Pappu Ye Sun Kar Haste Hue Bola...

Mam Agar Aisa Hota To Ab Tak,

-

-

Aap Class Ke 30 Bachho Ke Sath Na Jane Kitni Bar Suhagrat Mana Chuki Hoti...

*********

Nayi Dulhan Ko Dulhe Ne Suhagrat Par Muh Dikhai Ke Rs 25,000 Diye...

Dulhan Itne Sare Paise Dekh Kar Ghabra Ke Boli...

Dulhan : "Suno Ji Pura Khandaan Thokega Kya?"

*********

Ek 75 saal ka buddhe ne 15 saal ki ladki se shadi ki, Suhagrat par dono khub roye...

Kyoki ladki kuch janti nahin thi aur bhuda sab bhul gaya tha...

*********

Sardar ne apni biwi ko

Shadi ki raat hi ghar se Bhaga diya...

-

kyoki..

-

Biwi ki panty pe ye likha hua tha..."100% soft and silky tested by roopchand and sons"

*********

Ek bar Aankh or Dil me Ladai ho gai...

DIL - Dekhte tum ho or dard hamein hota hai...

AANKH - Lagte tum ho or rote hum hain....

GAAL - Kamino!!! Thappad To Mein Khata Hu Na...

*********

Ladies hostel warden calls electricity office & complains: 

Aaj to aadmi bhej do, ladkiyan 3 din se Mombatti se kaam chala rahi hain....

*********

Ek Ladka aur Ladki dono jungle Main bhatk gaye... Dono ne 4 din se kuch bhi nahi khaya..

Girl - Aap Mera rape kar do...

Boy - kyu ?

Girl - Saala kuch to ander jayga...

*********

Sardar Suhagraat ko puri koshish ke bavjud kamyab na hua.
Guusse se Wife se bola..
Tumari pehle kisi ne nai li?
Wife : Masumiyat se,
Jis ne bhi li, shalwar utar k li!

*********

Ek Aadmi Ki Shadi Hui, Us Ne Dost Se Mashwara Liya Ki Apni Biwi Ka Dil Kese Jeete?
Dost : Us Ke Paas Cigratte Laga Ke Jana Aur Dhuaan Biwi Ke Muh Pe Maar Ke Kehna – Janu Agar Tum Kaho To Ye Adat Bhi Chod Doon,
Us Admi Ne Aisa Hi Kiya….
Biwi Ne Sun Kar Jawab Diya : Nahi, Koi Baat Nahi Agar Gold Flake Hai To Mujhe Bhi Sootta Lagwa Do...

*********

Dulha (Romantically) : May I kiss you Darling?
Dulhan (Sharmate Hue) : Humne to kabhi Gairo ko bhi mana nahi kiya. Aap to phir bhi apne hain...

*********

Suhaagrat Ki Raat Ko Dulha-Dulhan Se Puchhta Hai.
Dulha - "Sach-Sach Bata Kabhi Kiya Hai Ki Nahi?"

Dulhan - "Nahi Jaanu, Kabhi Kiya Nahi, Mane to Hamesha Karwaya Hai"

Ladka aur Ladki ke Chutkule

Ek Ladka Ek Ladki ka peecha kar raha tha.
-
-
-
Girl - Tumhe pata hai, peeche meri Maa aa rahi hai..
-
-
-
-
Ladka - Tu Tension mat Le Hum Khandani Aashiq hai,
-
Teri maa ke peechey mera Baap aa raha hai..

**********

Ek Ladka rojana kothe par jakar bhaav puchta tha

Dost : Jab tujhe kuch karna hi nahi hai to tu rate Qu puchta hai,

Ladka : Main chek karta hu ki GF mehangi to nai pad ri..

*************

Girl to boy : Main tumhe apna Dil nahi de sakti.

-

Boy to girl : Main utne upar ki soch bhi nahi raha tha!

*************

Ladke Ne Ek Din Apni Girlfriend Ko Kaha

Ladka : "Janu, Kya Main Tumhe Ek Kiss Kar Sakta Hun?"

Ladki : "Condom Laye Ho Kya?"

Ladke Ko Samajh Na Aaya To Usne Puchha

Ladka : "Arrey, Kiss Karne Ke Liye Condom Ki Kya Jarurat Hai?"

Ladki : "Achha, Sharif To Aise Ban Rahe Ho Jaise Kiss Karne Ke Baad Khade Hathiyar Pe Meri Panty Tangoge?"

*************

Ladka Ladki Sex kar rahe the..

Suddenly ladka bola kya hum sadi kar lein?

Ladki boli mazdur ho! Mazduri karo

Factory ke malik banne ki kosis mat karo..

Bechara Ladka

Ek Ladka Apni Padoos ki Aunty ko
ghar chodne gaya...
-
Late ho gaya to Aunty ne bola
-
-
Beta raat bahut ho gai hai,
tum yahi BITTU ke room main so jao.!
-
-
Ladka bola - Nahi Aunty main
yahi SOFA par so jaunga
-
-
Agle din Subah ek Bahut hi
Sundar Ladki CHAI le kar aai..
-
-
Ladka - Aap kaun ho..??
-
-
Ladki - Main BITTU. Aap kaun..??
-
-
-
-
-
Ladka - Main Ullu ka pattha..

Santa ke Majedar Chutkule

Ek Bar Santa Ne Socha,
Bhagwan Ki Toh Sab Pooja Karte Hain,
Kyu Na Mai Shaitan Ki Pooja Karu...?
Ho sakta hai wo free ho aur meri wishes puri kar de.
Santa ne 1 year tak Tapsya ki...
After 1 year,
Shaitan uske samne aaya...

Shaitan : Vats mai tumse khush hua...
3 vardan maang lo..
Santa : Nahi mujhe 100 vardan chahiye

Shaitan : Vats mai kewal 3 de sakta hu...
lena hai to le nahi to mai chala.
Santa : (ek minute soch kar) aacha aapke hath
main jo Gada hai vo danda ban jaye.

Shaitan : Tauhastu, ab dusri wish bolo?

Santa : Is dande ko apni pichhe daal lo, andar tak...

Shaitan : (confused) Tathastu, aab jaldi se
tisri mang saale bahut dard ho raha hai..

Santa : Smiles & says, Haramkhor,
ab bol baki 97 wishes dega ya fir is
dande ko andar hi 'Gada' banwa du