Birbal ka Lund Chooso Tansen

To bhaiyon yeh baat hai Akbar ke zamane ki.
Usne 9 chutiye paal rakhe the. Popularly known as his 9 ratans!!!
Birbal aur Tansen me bada competition raha karta tha.
Ek din gusse me aake Tansen kehta hai ki "Ab faisla ho hi jaye ki kaun zyada bada akalmand hai? Main shart lagata hoon ki main Jodha Bai ke mammey choos sakta hoon"
Birbal ki has has ke gaand me dard ho gaya. Kehta hai ki "Agar tune aisa kar diya to agle din bhari sabha mein main nangaa aaunga"
Bas fir hona kya tha lag gayi shart.
Tansen gaya bazaar ek sapere ke paas. Kehta hai ki "Bhai, mujhe ek saanp chahiye, untrained aur bina zehar ke hona chahiye".
Saanp khareed ke Tansen usko ghar pe training dena shuru karta hai. Ek aadmi ka putla banake saanp ko kehta hai "Beta Sappu uske tang pe kaat". To sappu putle ke taang pe jake das leta hai. Aise hi training karte karte sappu Tansen ka ishara dekh kar taang, haath, gala, ityadi ko dasna seekh jaata hai. Jahan bhi Tansen ishara karta, Sappu waha das leta. Training karke sappu ab taiyar ho gaya Big Day ke liye.
Ab baat aisi thi ki Akbar aur Jodha bai har subah apne bageeche me sair ke liye nikalte the. Agle din subah Tansen bhi apne sappu ke saath bageeche me ja pahuncha aur jhadiyon me chhip gaya.
Jahaan panah aur begum ko aata dekh tansen ne sappu ko phat se nikalke zameen pe chhod diya aur ishara Jodha bai ke mammon ki taraf karke bola. "Beta Sappu dikha apna kamaal ja das le rani ke Mammon ko." Sappu phat se gaya, begum ki taang par chadh ke, mansal Jangho se gujerke chut ko par kar ke seedha ja pahunchta hai mammon ke beech vali khai me vaha se plan ke mutabik seedha left turn le ke chadh jata hai top pe aur ek second mein saali ko das leta hai nipple pe!
Jodha chikhne lagi "Arey jahanpanah kuchh keriye"
Akbar to paagal ho gaya "Arre bachao koi bachao meri begum ko saanp ne das liya koi Bachao"
Tabhi Tansen nikla jhadiyon se, bhaag ke gaya aur bola "Jahan panah ek upaay hai mere paas rani sahebaan ko bachane ka. Mein agar zehar choos kar bahar nikal doon to aap gussa hokar meri gand to naahi katwa denge na.
Akbar bola "Jo bhi karna hai jaldi karo but meri begum ko bacha lo."
Phir kya tha Tansen ne phat se Jodha bai ko pakda, uske kapde fade aur mammey bahar nikal kar chhosne laga. Poore ke poore choos dale.
Birbal ne ye baat suni to uski gaand se maano Rocket guzar gaya. Man hi man sochne laga Bhenchod kal to lut gayee izzat, bhare darbaar me nang dhadang jaana padega. Usne khoob socha, baal khujlaye lekin no idea. Gaand jab khujayee to idea Lund ki tarah uchhal kar bahar aaya.
Agle din darbaar laga, Akbar ne sabke samne Tansen ki tareef ki aur kaha agar tansen me zehar choosne ki shakti nahi hoti to Jahan panah aaj randwe hote aur akele apne aap hilaa rahe hote.
Tansen on the other hand cud not wait for Birbal to make an appearance. Khushi ke maare pagal ho raha tha ye soch kar ki jab Birbal bhare darbaar me nanga hokar aayega to Akbar sharm se paani paani ho jayega, YESSS. Aur Wo birbal ke gaand pe itne hunter maarenge ki Birbal ki 7 pushte muh se hagegi.
Tabhi darbaar me hulchul machi, sabne dekha ki Birbal nanga hokar, apna lund haath me pakde, daudta hua aa raha hai. Bas phir hona kya tha Akbar gusse se laal ho gaya "Birbal ye kya gustakhi hai? Teri himmat kaise hui aise nange aane ki."
Birbal bola "Haye Jahan panah mai mar gaya mujhe saap ne kaat liya mere lund pe."
Akbar bola "Oh my god, Tansen ja choos Birbal ka lund"

सलमान की बीवी पेट से

सलमान की बीवी नगमा पेट से थी, तो नगमा की देखभाल के लिए वो अपनी साली सलमा को लेकर ससुराल से अपने गांव लौट रहा था।
उसके हाथों में एक बाल्टी, एक छड़ी, बगल में एक मुर्गी और बकरी की रस्सी थी।
सुहावनी चाँदनी रात थी और साली सलमा खूबसूरत और जवान थी।

अचानक सलमा बोली- जीजाजी, मुझे आपके साथ चलने में डर लग रहा है। कहीं आप कुछ बदमाशी ना करने लगें?
जीजा सलमान- अरे, मैं कैसे कोई बदमाशी कर सकता हूँ। मेरे तो दोनों हाथ घिरे हुए हैं, चाह कर भी मैं कुछ नहीं कर सकता।
साली सलमा- कैसे नहीं कर सकते? अभी अगर आप छड़ी ज़मीन में गाड़कर बकरी उसके साथ बांध दें और मुर्गी को बाल्टी के नीचे रख दें तो फिर मेरे साथ जो चाहें कर सकते हो आप।
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Sardar pani me lund duba raha tha.
Wife: Kya karte ho?
Sardar: Khada nahi hota.
Wife: To pani me kyun duba rahe ho.
Saradar: Dekh raha hoon puncture to nahi hai?
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GIRL: I have done a great sin. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: .. Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my bra.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!

Sex Jokes

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
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The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”